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Mar 30, 2011
03/11
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dwight howard joins us next. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ne [ male announcer ] this is lara. her morning begins with arthritis pain. that's a coffee and two pills. the afternoon tour begins with more pain and more pills. the evening guests arrive. back to sore knees. back to more pills. the day is done but hang on... her doctor recommended aleve. just 2 pills can keep arthritis pain away all day with fewer pills than tylenol. this is lara who chose 2 aleve and fewer pills for a day free of pain. and get the all day pain relief of aleve in liquid gels. it's irresistible. experience this in your home with resolve deep clean powder. its moist powder penetrates deep, removing three times more dirt than vacuuming alone while also neutralizing odors at their source. it's a clean you can see, smell, and really enjoy. resolve deep clean powder. don't just vacuum clean, resolve clean. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest this evening is one of the elite players in the national basket
dwight howard joins us next. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ne [ male announcer ] this is lara. her morning begins with arthritis pain. that's a coffee and two pills. the afternoon tour begins with more pain and more pills. the evening guests arrive. back to sore knees. back to more pills. the day is done but hang on... her doctor recommended aleve. just 2 pills can keep arthritis pain away all day with fewer pills than tylenol. this is lara who chose 2 aleve and fewer pills...
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Mar 23, 2011
03/11
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>> well, i used to sing back in the day. back in high school, i was in the choir. >> jimmy: were you really? >> i was. you know, my teammates call me montell jordan. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: montell jordan? "this is how we do it?" ♪ this is how we do it this is how we do it ♪ >> jimmy: do you give a little? do you know any? no? do you know any? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> i don't know how to do it. ♪ >> jimmy: how about you got "day-o" -- you got "day-o" on the album. >> "day-o," "shout," "jammin'," -- >> jimmy: "hoop, there it is." >> "hoop, there it is." "let's get it started," "abc," -- >> jimmy: you have "you can't touch this." >> "you can't touch this." >> jimmy: i love that. >> i was talking like charles barkley on that song. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: how does charles barkley go? [ as charles barkley ] >> "listen, everybody. listen. [ laughter ] lebron james is the best player to ever play in the nba! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] listen -- listen, duane wade, we do t-mobile commercials t
>> well, i used to sing back in the day. back in high school, i was in the choir. >> jimmy: were you really? >> i was. you know, my teammates call me montell jordan. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: montell jordan? "this is how we do it?" ♪ this is how we do it this is how we do it ♪ >> jimmy: do you give a little? do you know any? no? do you know any? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> i don't know how to do it. ♪ >> jimmy: how about...
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Mar 8, 2011
03/11
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jim gaffigan joins us next. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's a beautiful day inside when you use lysol neutra air fabric mist. it kills 99.9% of bacteria on soft surfaces and eliminates odors at their source better than febreze. so now a fresh home is the sign of a healthy home. for tips on a healthy home, visit lysol.com/missionforhealth. subway is introducing the featured $5 footlong of the month. each month an extra special footlong joins our many $5 footlong favorites. the meatball pepperoni is the featured $5 footlong in march only! [ whistle blows ] [ squishing ] [ male announcer ] pool filled with caramel. not as good as chocolate filled with caramel. introducing milky way simply caramel. life's better the milky way. challenge the need for such heavy measures with olay. new regenerist micro-sculpting serum for firmer skin in 5 days. pretty heavy lifting for such a lightweight. [ female announcer ] olay regenerist. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is very, very f
jim gaffigan joins us next. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's a beautiful day inside when you use lysol neutra air fabric mist. it kills 99.9% of bacteria on soft surfaces and eliminates odors at their source better than febreze. so now a fresh home is the sign of a healthy home. for tips on a healthy home, visit lysol.com/missionforhealth. subway is introducing the featured $5 footlong of the month. each month an extra special footlong joins our many $5 footlong...
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Mar 1, 2011
03/11
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jim gaffigan joins us next. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ looif i'll finally get the can fecoverage my family deserves. if it's something we can afford. to steer clear of the confusion, go to metlife.com in less than 5 minutes, you'll get straight answers. like how much life insurance you really need and how much it costs. so, no matter where you end up buying, you'll make the best decision for your family. get guarantees for the if in life. from metlife. call 1-888-metlife for your free quote with no pressure or obligation. what makes a hershey's bar pure? ["melt with you" playing] pure fun. pure joy. pure delicious chocolate. pure hershey's. of course not. we broke up 6 months ago. but i don't think she'd go for a guy like -- [ ping! ] she says she'd love to. [ ping! ] she can't wait to see me. [ ping! ] she's wanted me to ask her out for over a year now! [ ping! ] she just sent me a video. [ girl's voice ] hi stephen, can't wait for our date! oh, can i see that? aah! [ male announcer ] i
jim gaffigan joins us next. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ looif i'll finally get the can fecoverage my family deserves. if it's something we can afford. to steer clear of the confusion, go to metlife.com in less than 5 minutes, you'll get straight answers. like how much life insurance you really need and how much it costs. so, no matter where you end up buying, you'll make the best decision for your family. get guarantees for the if in life. from metlife. call...
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Mar 9, 2011
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can you tell us about that? >> sure, jimmy, we'll be attempting to beat an existing world record for most people sitting on a love seat. >> jimmy: all right. sitting on a love seat? is there a previous record? >> yeah, so the current mark is 11. that's on urdb right now. and one of the rules we're going to have to follow is that no feet can touch the ground on the love seat. >> jimmy: just got to be off the ground? >> exactly. >> jimmy: all right, let's beat this record! let's do this! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ look at all these people here. hey, welcome. [ applause ] i'm going to get on there, too. i'm going to get on there, too. ready? feet off the ground! [ cheers and applause ] can we do it? ♪ okay. yes! >> that's a world record. >> jimmy: a world record! >> 19 is the new count. >> jimmy: 19 on a love seat! [ cheers and applause ] thank you, guys. congratulations. you can put him down now. very good. [ laughter ] very good. thank you, guys so much. coming up next, we have a very fun one here. this is mos
can you tell us about that? >> sure, jimmy, we'll be attempting to beat an existing world record for most people sitting on a love seat. >> jimmy: all right. sitting on a love seat? is there a previous record? >> yeah, so the current mark is 11. that's on urdb right now. and one of the rules we're going to have to follow is that no feet can touch the ground on the love seat. >> jimmy: just got to be off the ground? >> exactly. >> jimmy: all right, let's beat...
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Mar 31, 2011
03/11
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geoffrey canada joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ 3q traffic on your carpet really ads up when you just vacuum. with resolve high traffic foam, your carpets get truly clean. it removes three times more dirt than vacuuming alone and neutralizes odors for clean and fresh carpets. resolve high traffic foam. don't just vacuum clean, resolve clean. these 4 brands took home more allure best of beauty awards than any others. pantene... olay... venus & gillette... and secret. the four most awarded brands. keeping you your most beautiful from head to toe. . ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a leading education reformer, and the president and ceo of harlem children's zone right here in new york city. he's also featured in this documentary right here called "waiting for superman." which if you haven't seen it, check it out, it's very, very interesting. it's out on dvd and blu-ray right now. give it up for mr. geoffrey canada, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: geoffre
geoffrey canada joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ 3q traffic on your carpet really ads up when you just vacuum. with resolve high traffic foam, your carpets get truly clean. it removes three times more dirt than vacuuming alone and neutralizes odors for clean and fresh carpets. resolve high traffic foam. don't just vacuum clean, resolve clean. these 4 brands took home more allure best of beauty awards than any others. pantene... olay... venus & gillette... and secret....
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Mar 30, 2011
03/11
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people that go to proms use them, right? >> he goes like grocery shopping in a stretch. now, this movie "super," you've got the very funny rainn wilson. >> oh, he is very funny. >> jimmy: gosh he is hilarious. >> and very sweet. >> jimmy: yeah, he's a great guy. and ellen page, who i love as well. >> kevin bacon. >> jimmy: kevin bacon. what is the idea of this movie? >> it's about a man, a sort of a lonely, sad man who meets my character and i'm kind of complicated. i'm a recovering drug addict who's just gotten out of rehab. we meet, and fall in love, and we get married and within a couple weeks i fall off the wagon and leave him for kevin bacon who's a drug dealer. and then he is so devastated, he's like, i just -- god, i just want my sarah back. and he decides to become a superhero and makes a costume and -- no super power. he waits behind dumpsters and like -- he says, shut up crime. >> jimmy: shut up, crime? >> shut up crime. >> jimmy: ridiculous. >> and then he meets alan page and they become side kicks. and its dark and funny, and yeah. >> jimmy: we have a clip fr
people that go to proms use them, right? >> he goes like grocery shopping in a stretch. now, this movie "super," you've got the very funny rainn wilson. >> oh, he is very funny. >> jimmy: gosh he is hilarious. >> and very sweet. >> jimmy: yeah, he's a great guy. and ellen page, who i love as well. >> kevin bacon. >> jimmy: kevin bacon. what is the idea of this movie? >> it's about a man, a sort of a lonely, sad man who meets my character...
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Mar 25, 2011
03/11
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penn and teller join us next. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ all you pantene 2-in-1 lovers, this is your lucky day. pantene's 2-in-1's are customized, with 5 new versions. find yours and love it or twice your money back. that's the smart beauty guarantee. 2-in-1's from pantene. healthy makes it happen. ihola! come pina para un viaje de burro. you said his wife swallows pineapples for donkey rides. dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit tropical remix. for a good clean, fruity feeling no matter what. - so we've got a list of things you can do to get active. - like jumping jacks. - or push-ups. - yoga. - which is actually kind of like peaceful and quiet and no talking. - aha! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back with one of the greatest performing duos in show business. they're in their 10th year headlining at the rio hotel in las vegas. we are thrilled to have them back with us here tonight. give it up for the great penn and teller, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nice to see you. penn, tell
penn and teller join us next. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ all you pantene 2-in-1 lovers, this is your lucky day. pantene's 2-in-1's are customized, with 5 new versions. find yours and love it or twice your money back. that's the smart beauty guarantee. 2-in-1's from pantene. healthy makes it happen. ihola! come pina para un viaje de burro. you said his wife swallows pineapples for donkey rides. dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit tropical remix. for a good clean, fruity...
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Mar 24, 2011
03/11
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geoffrey canada joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i wanna see you in the morning ♪ ♪ i wanna see you when the breaking day is dawning ♪ ♪ you gotta go, you gotta go, it's alright ♪ ♪ and when i get the same reaction ♪ ♪ i know this time 's gonna give some satisfaction ♪ ♪ you gotta go, you gotta go try cottonelle ultra toilet paper. it's 35% thicker than the northern brand. [ carl ] love it! it's that one little switch that'll make all the difference. peanut, we're going dancing. [ female announcer ] make the ultra switch. find cottonelle ultra codes for a chance to win ultra prizes. >> ( beeping, beeping stops ) >> announcer: free is better. do your simple return for free with the federal free edition at turbotax.com. turbotax. the most trusted brand of tax software. hi. i'm dan hesse, ceo of sprint. the other day, i looked up the word "unlimited" in the dictionary. nowhere in the definition did i see words like... "metering," "overage," or "throttling"... which is co
geoffrey canada joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i wanna see you in the morning ♪ ♪ i wanna see you when the breaking day is dawning ♪ ♪ you gotta go, you gotta go, it's alright ♪ ♪ and when i get the same reaction ♪ ♪ i know this time 's gonna give some satisfaction ♪ ♪ you gotta go, you gotta go try cottonelle ultra toilet paper. it's 35% thicker than the northern brand. [ carl ] love it! it's that one little switch that'll make all the...
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Mar 25, 2011
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colin quinn joins us next. come on back! ♪ [ female announcer ] sometimes you need tomorrow to finish what you started today. for the aches and sleeplessness in between, there's motrin pm. no other medicine, not even advil pm, is more effective for pain and sleeplessness. motrin pm. [ male announcer ] build your better breakfast with all the flavors you choose. try an irresistible steak, egg & cheese, with toasty tomato or chipotle southwest sauce on tasty flatbread. only at subway! ♪ will match it and give you up to a one-hundred dollar gift card. plus, friday through saturday, save twenty-five percent off all craftsman power lawn and garden equipment, and outdoor storage. it's a turf war. sears. i really didn't see it coming. i didn't realize i was drifting into the other lane. [ kim ] i was literally falling asleep at the wheel. it got my attention, telling me that i wasn't paying attention. i had no idea the guy in front of me had stopped short. but my car did. -my car did. -thankfully, my mercedes did. [ male announ
colin quinn joins us next. come on back! ♪ [ female announcer ] sometimes you need tomorrow to finish what you started today. for the aches and sleeplessness in between, there's motrin pm. no other medicine, not even advil pm, is more effective for pain and sleeplessness. motrin pm. [ male announcer ] build your better breakfast with all the flavors you choose. try an irresistible steak, egg & cheese, with toasty tomato or chipotle southwest sauce on tasty flatbread. only at subway! ♪...
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Mar 18, 2011
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penn and teller join us next. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ndnd look review, we find money others miss. look at my taxes. please, find some extra money for us. [ chuckles ] [ woman ] there was a lot that i'd guessed at. and i have a feeling i guessed wrong. [ announcer ] what will we find you? come in for a free second look review of your taxes. even if you've already done them with someone else. call 1-800-hrblock, and never settle for less. so who will be the last man standing? [ whistles ] the degree adrenaline series has twice the sweat-blocking power. aah! looks dry to me! the degree adrenaline series. and replace your old mayo [ female announcer ] it's time to raise the barme! with the full flavor of kraft mayo with olive oil. ♪ made with the rich, delicious taste of imported olive oil, kraft mayo with olive oil is the new standard in mayo. [ male announcer ] you're at the age where you don't get thrown by curve balls. ♪ this is the age of knowing how to get things done. ♪ so why would you let somet
penn and teller join us next. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ndnd look review, we find money others miss. look at my taxes. please, find some extra money for us. [ chuckles ] [ woman ] there was a lot that i'd guessed at. and i have a feeling i guessed wrong. [ announcer ] what will we find you? come in for a free second look review of your taxes. even if you've already done them with someone else. call 1-800-hrblock, and never settle for less. so who will be the last man...
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Mar 29, 2011
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and so, all of us have had helpful hints. there hasn't been a single production that i've done that's run over six months that -- and a lot of the matinee performances are for a lot of older audiences go. and so, over a six-month period, if the audience is between 80 and 90 years old, it's not uncommon that someone would actually pass away in the course of your play. and so -- >> jimmy: i'm sorry, wait -- >> no, i've never gone through a play that that hasn't happened. so, i was trying to warn jim gaffigan about that. you've got 1,500 people in the house and eventually, over six months, someone will pass away. so -- >> jimmy: in the audience? >> in the audience. >> jimmy: what? >> if you see a gurney coming down the aisle, don't panic. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and so, the very first night we were doing the show, in a very quiet scene, we heard out in the audience -- [ gasping ] and jim's eyes got as big as anything. and it was a woman who had started choking on a candy and went into seizure. we had to stop the play. lit
and so, all of us have had helpful hints. there hasn't been a single production that i've done that's run over six months that -- and a lot of the matinee performances are for a lot of older audiences go. and so, over a six-month period, if the audience is between 80 and 90 years old, it's not uncommon that someone would actually pass away in the course of your play. and so -- >> jimmy: i'm sorry, wait -- >> no, i've never gone through a play that that hasn't happened. so, i was...
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Mar 17, 2011
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but you use the same stuff? >> yeah, but basically i'm changing my game a little bit, changing my technique. >> jimmy: do you feel like the older you get, that you have to change your game completely? do you feel like the same tiger? >> i feel a lot older. >> jimmy: you do, yeah. cause you -- i only did a golf tournament once in palm springs. it's three days of golf. i was limping by the third day. i go, i've never been exhausted from golf in my life. i usually go, drink beers -- >> that's what shocks ya at that point. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. security drags you off the course. >> you gotta walk, too. >> jimmy: it is tough for me. you see me walk out there earlier? that was awful. [ laughter ] but let's talk about this new game, my friend. this is awesome -- tiger woods 12, the masters. i gotta say, i like tiger woods 10, because if you remember i played you in times square. >> yeah, i know you beat me. blah, blah, blah. >> jimmy: did i? [ cheers and applause ] i don't remember. are you sure? i don't remember. at l
but you use the same stuff? >> yeah, but basically i'm changing my game a little bit, changing my technique. >> jimmy: do you feel like the older you get, that you have to change your game completely? do you feel like the same tiger? >> i feel a lot older. >> jimmy: you do, yeah. cause you -- i only did a golf tournament once in palm springs. it's three days of golf. i was limping by the third day. i go, i've never been exhausted from golf in my life. i usually go, drink...
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Mar 5, 2011
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and it used to drive me nuts. we were at the movies and she'd hold my hand and would then start rubbing like that. and i just forgot about the movie. all i kept thinking was, "how do i get out of this hand rubbing? [ laughter ] the night is not going to work out." >> no. >> jimmy: no. it didn't. >> no. i know. no. >> jimmy: kicked her to the curb. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. i love how down to earth you are, i got to say. 'cause that's one of the things i always loved -- 'cause you're -- you're an oscar winner. you'd think that you'd just be, like, you know, the queen, just walking around and, like -- >> no, no. i learned very early on, you know? and matter of fact, it was right after i won the oscar, i went to chicago to do a part in "prelude to a kiss." and i took my little dog with me. but the minute i got an oscar, everything changed. you know, people said, "oh, it's not gonna be a town car, we're gonna send a limo for you." do you have -- you have an extra room at the hotel, if you want it. my
and it used to drive me nuts. we were at the movies and she'd hold my hand and would then start rubbing like that. and i just forgot about the movie. all i kept thinking was, "how do i get out of this hand rubbing? [ laughter ] the night is not going to work out." >> no. >> jimmy: no. it didn't. >> no. i know. no. >> jimmy: kicked her to the curb. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. i love how down to earth you are, i got to say. 'cause...
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Mar 1, 2011
03/11
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we use higher six packs protect it from the light. we put so much care into brewing the beer that we want to protect it. what razor do you use? the disposable -- this is really quick and convenient. we have a faceoff between disposable and proglide! wow -- this is remarkable! he is a believer! yeah! [ male announcer ] fusion proglide -- take the challenge. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i hope you had a great day. you'll enjoy this right here. i need you to hang on to your pants, everybody, because they're about to get blown off. [ light laughter ] it's time for "battle of the instant dance crews!" here we go! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: before the show, we picked ten people from our audience. they have never met before, but they all have one thing in common. they love to dance. [ light laughter ] then we split them into two dance crews. and here's how talented our audience here is at "late night." these guys have had just 45 minutes to make up a full-on dance routine and perform it for us liv
we use higher six packs protect it from the light. we put so much care into brewing the beer that we want to protect it. what razor do you use? the disposable -- this is really quick and convenient. we have a faceoff between disposable and proglide! wow -- this is remarkable! he is a believer! yeah! [ male announcer ] fusion proglide -- take the challenge. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. i hope you had a great day. you'll enjoy this right here. i need you to...
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Mar 10, 2011
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mike tyson joins us next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] pads have been made with the same fluff for years. today there's always infinity, the most amazing pad ever, made of an innovative material called infinicel, not used before in other pads, with a unique foam-like core that molds to fit your body so you hardly know it's there. plus it keeps its shape better... and absorbs up to 60% more. ♪ always infinity. created by women for you. my recipe for french toast? take toast... spread with i can't believe it's not butter... add jacques. he's french. oui! ♪ mmmm...oui like! [ male announcer ] now four out of five butter lovers agree that i can't believe it's not butter tastes as good as fresh butter with 70% less saturated fat and 30% fewer calories than butter. . believe it's not butter! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest was the undisputed heavy weight champion of the world and remains one of boxing's all-time greats. he has a new television
mike tyson joins us next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] pads have been made with the same fluff for years. today there's always infinity, the most amazing pad ever, made of an innovative material called infinicel, not used before in other pads, with a unique foam-like core that molds to fit your body so you hardly know it's there. plus it keeps its shape better... and absorbs up to 60% more. ♪ always infinity. created by women for you. my recipe...
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Mar 15, 2011
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minka kelly joins us next. there she is in the bud light lime green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] at cheez-it, we expect a lot from our cheese. why did the cook get arrested? i don't know. he was caught beating an egg! [ laughs ] a cheese monger, a dairy farmer and a duck walk into this... wait a minute, have you heard this one? nice tie sir. is that a windsor knot? [ male announcer ] we take the time for our cheese to mature before we bake it into every delicious cracker because at cheez-it, real cheese matters. a choice of elegant fragrances, like white lily and orchid, to brighten up your world. add a touch of sophistication to your home, with the white collection from air wick. experience the white collection with a free air wick warmer and other money-saving coupons in this weekend's papers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. you know our next guest this evening from her work on "friday night lights." and starting tomorrow, you can see her on the big scree
minka kelly joins us next. there she is in the bud light lime green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] at cheez-it, we expect a lot from our cheese. why did the cook get arrested? i don't know. he was caught beating an egg! [ laughs ] a cheese monger, a dairy farmer and a duck walk into this... wait a minute, have you heard this one? nice tie sir. is that a windsor knot? [ male announcer ] we take the time for our cheese to mature before we bake it into every delicious cracker...
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Mar 10, 2011
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used to bounce out real high. real big -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- like goofy and round.cc1: so my father had the same hair and he said, "when i was young, we used to relax our hair." so i did it. i was like a junior in high school.cc1: i bought the relaxer stuff. and i --cc1: >> jimmy: it straightens it?cc1: >> it straightens your hair out. i do it at night. you leave it in there, and it burns terribly. [ laughter ] and then all of a sudden though, like an hour later i have the longest, straightest hair down to here. i look like rick ocasek.cc1: [ laughter ] so, i'm down to here. and i'm like "oh, my god, i look cool. i've got straight hair."cc1: i go the next day to school and everybody's like, "what happened?cc1: why is your hair --" and i was too ashamed to say i did it. i kept saying, "nothing. [ laughter ]cc1: nothing." they were like, "you didn't do anything?" i said, "no, i just combed it." >> jimmy: you stuck to your lie? >> i stuck to the lie. >> jimmy: i hate doing that. i stuck to my lie once. i remember,
used to bounce out real high. real big -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- like goofy and round.cc1: so my father had the same hair and he said, "when i was young, we used to relax our hair." so i did it. i was like a junior in high school.cc1: i bought the relaxer stuff. and i --cc1: >> jimmy: it straightens it?cc1: >> it straightens your hair out. i do it at night. you leave it in there, and it burns terribly. [ laughter ] and then all of a sudden though, like an hour...
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Mar 8, 2011
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minka kelly joins us next. there she is in the bud light lime green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male stylist ] i love the product, works like crazy. it's very sexy and sleek. [ male announcer ] we invited top stylists to test our new hair care line. i am dying to know what's in these bottles. [ male announcer ] then we revealed they'd been using -- new suave professionals. [ male stylist ] suave? i'm very surprised. [ female stylist ] i'm completely blown away. this does change my mind about suave. -luxurious. -supermodel. big sexy hair. [ male stylist ] new suave professionals actually works like an expensive salon product. [ male announcer ] new suave professionals. reformulated to work as well as top salon brands. rethink salon hair. [ male announcer ] for the things you can't wash, freshen it with febreze. febreze eliminates odors and leaves a light, fresh scent. it's a breath of fresh air. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. you know our next guest this evening from her w
minka kelly joins us next. there she is in the bud light lime green room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male stylist ] i love the product, works like crazy. it's very sexy and sleek. [ male announcer ] we invited top stylists to test our new hair care line. i am dying to know what's in these bottles. [ male announcer ] then we revealed they'd been using -- new suave professionals. [ male stylist ] suave? i'm very surprised. [ female stylist ] i'm completely blown away. this does change my mind...
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Mar 3, 2011
03/11
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mike tyson joins us next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ coughs ] [ breathes deeply, wind blows ] something wrong with your squeegee, kid? uh, i'm a little sick. sick?! you gonna let a sore throat beat you? you're fearless! ahhhhhhhhh! atta boy! [ male announcer ] halls. a pep talk in every drop. ♪ work, work all week long ♪ punching that clock from dusk till dawn ♪ ♪ countin' the days till friday night ♪ ♪ that's when all the conditions are right for a good time ♪ [ male announcer ] advanced technology that helps provide cleaner air, cleaner water, and helps make all of us more energy efficient is something the whole world can get in step with. [ static ] ♪ i need a good time [ male announcer ] ecomagination from ge. 's technology that makes the world work. ♪ host: could switching to geico 15% or more on car insurance? host: what, do you live under a rock? man: no way! man: hey rick check this out! anncr: geico. 15 minutes could save 15% or more on car insurance. mome
mike tyson joins us next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ coughs ] [ breathes deeply, wind blows ] something wrong with your squeegee, kid? uh, i'm a little sick. sick?! you gonna let a sore throat beat you? you're fearless! ahhhhhhhhh! atta boy! [ male announcer ] halls. a pep talk in every drop. ♪ work, work all week long ♪ punching that clock from dusk till dawn ♪ ♪ countin' the days till friday night ♪ ♪ that's when all the conditions are right for a good...
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Mar 3, 2011
03/11
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antony mackie joins us next. there he is in the bud light lime room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] if you think "heroes" are only in movies, consider this: over 70% of firefighters are local volunteers... these are our neighbors putting their lives on the line. and when they rely on a battery, there are firefighters everywhere who trust duracell. and now you can join with duracell to help. just buy specially-marked packs & duracell will make a battery donation to local volunteers. these days don't we all need someone to trust...? duracell. trusted everywhere. during cold and flu season. that's why we started a mission for health. by going beyond clean surfaces to healthy surfaces. by making a healthy way to wash hands. and even by working with a pediatrician to develop lysol healthy habits initiatives in schools. when you use lysol, you're a part of something bigger. for healthy tips and more, visit lysol.com/missionforhealth. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >>> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our ne
antony mackie joins us next. there he is in the bud light lime room. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] if you think "heroes" are only in movies, consider this: over 70% of firefighters are local volunteers... these are our neighbors putting their lives on the line. and when they rely on a battery, there are firefighters everywhere who trust duracell. and now you can join with duracell to help. just buy specially-marked packs & duracell will make a battery donation to...
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Mar 17, 2011
03/11
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he lives his life in a different way than any of us, you know? like if jay-z slipped on a banana peel he would just put his other foot on the banana peel and slide to wherever he was going. [ laughter ] "that's really convenient. i got to where i was going even faster than anticipated." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: everybody should be sliding on bananas. >> yeah, my life is the opposite. my life is just me spilling mustard on my shirt all the time. jay-z is never gonna spill mustard on his shirt. if mustard was about to fall on jay-z's shirt, someone else would coincidentally be passing him a hot dog and the mustard would just go, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. he'd be like, "yo, man can i get some must -- [ laughter ] i'm about to take a bite of the world's greatest --" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: aziz ansari! "parks and recreation" airs thursday at 9:30 p.m. on nbc. mike gordon performs next. dude, you're the best. thanks, buddy. thanks for coming, man. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ whew! these sure are challenging times. whoa! that leaves lots of p
he lives his life in a different way than any of us, you know? like if jay-z slipped on a banana peel he would just put his other foot on the banana peel and slide to wherever he was going. [ laughter ] "that's really convenient. i got to where i was going even faster than anticipated." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: everybody should be sliding on bananas. >> yeah, my life is the opposite. my life is just me spilling mustard on my shirt all the time. jay-z is never gonna spill...
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Mar 2, 2011
03/11
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what do you have for us? >> i have this handy dandy puffer that keeps me alive. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm worried. i hope you win. [ laughter ] i really hope you win. >> yeah -- >> jimmy: any connection to this? have you had it forever? >> just for a few months. pretty cool story. i was at a club, had an asthma attack come on and the d.j. noticed that i was having some trouble breathing and then she came over and she's like, "hey, do you need a hand?" i'm like, "yeah, kind of not feeling so well." and she ran home, brought back her puffer in about 15 minutes and that was the night that a d.j. saved my life. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. very, very cool. [ scattered applause ] that is very, very nice. i really hope you win. this is phenomenal here. a d.j. with an inhaler. sounds like a crazy party. [ laughter ] [ inhaled voice ] "i'm going to turn this up to volume to 3. here we go. [ laughter ] sorry, mother!" all right. here. let's see what we got here. we got this crazy, awesome inhaler from the d.j. d.j. inhaler
what do you have for us? >> i have this handy dandy puffer that keeps me alive. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm worried. i hope you win. [ laughter ] i really hope you win. >> yeah -- >> jimmy: any connection to this? have you had it forever? >> just for a few months. pretty cool story. i was at a club, had an asthma attack come on and the d.j. noticed that i was having some trouble breathing and then she came over and she's like, "hey, do you need a hand?"...
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Mar 9, 2011
03/11
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piers morgan joins us next! kara, we did it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what could possibly hold together all the natural energy found in peanuts? caramel works. payday. crunchy roasted peanuts and soft chewy caramel come together to give you sweet energy. payday. the sweet taste of energy. take toast... spread with i can't believe it's not butter... add jacques. he's french. oui! ♪ oui like! [ male announcer ] four out of five agree it tastes as good as fresh butter with 70% less saturated fat than butter. [ kim ] you can have it all. sweetie, did you just text me that your parents are going to be moving in with us? oh don't worry, honey. i switched to sprint so i get unlimited texts. [ cellphone buzzes, snoring continues ] you just emailed me that they're taking my room? sweetheart it's ok. email and web are unlimited, too. mum, please. do you want to tweet about it? i'll help you compose a tweet -- if you'd like. [ male announcer ] sprint gives you unlimited text, web and calling to any mobile. no data cap
piers morgan joins us next! kara, we did it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what could possibly hold together all the natural energy found in peanuts? caramel works. payday. crunchy roasted peanuts and soft chewy caramel come together to give you sweet energy. payday. the sweet taste of energy. take toast... spread with i can't believe it's not butter... add jacques. he's french. oui! ♪ oui like! [ male announcer ] four out of five agree it tastes as good as fresh butter with 70% less saturated...
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Mar 29, 2011
03/11
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david schwimmer joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] at cheez-it, we expect a lot from our cheese. why did the cook get arrested? i don't know. he was caught beating an egg! [ laughs ] a cheese monger, a dairy farmer and a duck walk into this... wait a minute, have you heard this one? nice tie sir. is that a windsor knot? [ male announcer ] we take the time for our cheese to mature before we bake it into every delicious cracker because at cheez-it, real cheese matters. and this is everything people love about it. they're big fans of the 4g speed. and the powerful android platform. ♪ so we took both... ♪ ...and used them to make something new. trouble hearing on the phone? visit sprintrelay.com. introducing the new htc evo shift 4g. only from sprint, the now network. introducing the new htc evo shift 4g. ihola! come pina para un viaje de burro. you said his wife swallows pineapples for donkey rides. dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit tropical remix. for a good clean, fruit
david schwimmer joins us next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] at cheez-it, we expect a lot from our cheese. why did the cook get arrested? i don't know. he was caught beating an egg! [ laughs ] a cheese monger, a dairy farmer and a duck walk into this... wait a minute, have you heard this one? nice tie sir. is that a windsor knot? [ male announcer ] we take the time for our cheese to mature before we bake it into every delicious cracker because at cheez-it, real...
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Mar 11, 2011
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you know, none of us speak italian, so it's going to be a little struggle for us. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. little struggle for us. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. what are you going to do? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i mean, do you know >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i mean, do you know where you're going to end up in are you in venice? are you going to fall in water? can you swim? [ light laughter ]cc1: >> i can swim but we have no idea where we're going. i mean, it's just gonna be like a huge surprise for us. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and can you tell us if all the roommates are going? >> jimmy: and can you tell us if all the roommates are going? >> um, well yes. : everybody is going?cc1: >> yes, everyone is going. including sam. >> jimmy: sammi "sweetheart" is going as well? >> yes, sam will be there. >> jimmy: very interesting. and deanna, our new pal deanna is going, too? >> of course, deanna. >> jimmy: i mean, come on. >> of course, deanna. >> jimmy: i mean, come on. >> little love bug. eanna.cc1: >> yes. eanna.cc1: >> yes. >> jimmy: i love your language that you have with her. >> uh-hu
you know, none of us speak italian, so it's going to be a little struggle for us. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. little struggle for us. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. what are you going to do? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i mean, do you know >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i mean, do you know where you're going to end up in are you in venice? are you going to fall in water? can you swim? [ light laughter ]cc1: >> i can swim but we have no idea where we're going. i mean, it's...
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Mar 5, 2011
03/11
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i used to say, "oh, it's because we don't get a lot of time at 'snl' for makeup. you know, you are doing it really quick in between the commercial breaks." that was the excuse i was giving myself when i would watch myself on television. and then on movies, you know, they take a great deal of time with makeup and lighting and all that stuff, and i still look like hell. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you look great. >> no, the characters are supposed to be super schlubby and, like, you know, very pale and i went for it. i got way into character. ate a lot of waffle house. >> jimmy: almost too into character. >> yeah, too into character, indeed. yeah, it was really fun. it was a great experience. >> jimmy: super cool. but i wonder, out in l.a., you played in the celebrity all-star basketball game. >> yeah, with the nba. >> jimmy: how cool is that? >> it was a blast. it was really fun. >> jimmy: looks like you took it real serious. >> i took it real serious. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that basketball's not touching your finger, by the way. that is behind you. you're pretending to
i used to say, "oh, it's because we don't get a lot of time at 'snl' for makeup. you know, you are doing it really quick in between the commercial breaks." that was the excuse i was giving myself when i would watch myself on television. and then on movies, you know, they take a great deal of time with makeup and lighting and all that stuff, and i still look like hell. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you look great. >> no, the characters are supposed to be super schlubby and, like,...
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Mar 19, 2011
03/11
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pauley perrette joins us next. stay tuned. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ girl's voice ] do you wanna be my boyfriend? [ chuckles ] sure! great -- gimme your sub. myy-- [ male announcer ] get your own sub! like, the chicken cordon bleu. just one of our irresistible chicken subs. subway. eat fresh. just one of our irresistible chicken subs. [bell tolls] - to best serve your customers, you have to know them. personally. only a local agent can do that. [click, motor hums] - doug pierce. lives in tornado alley. - hobby? - collects stamps. - excellent. - annette thompson. small business owner. hates cantaloupe. - good. - the lee family: twins. with another on the way. - mazel tov. - that's meatloaf. - hmm. [click] that's still meatloaf. - very good. moving on. - we are insurance. - ♪ we are farmers ♪ bum di bum bum bum bum bum ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] escape convention. ♪ escape definition. ♪ escape compromise. ♪ introducing the most fuel-efficient luxury car available. the radically new... 42 mile per gallon
pauley perrette joins us next. stay tuned. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ girl's voice ] do you wanna be my boyfriend? [ chuckles ] sure! great -- gimme your sub. myy-- [ male announcer ] get your own sub! like, the chicken cordon bleu. just one of our irresistible chicken subs. subway. eat fresh. just one of our irresistible chicken subs. [bell tolls] - to best serve your customers, you have to know them. personally. only a local agent can do that. [click, motor hums] - doug pierce. lives in...
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Mar 16, 2011
03/11
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piers morgan joins us next! kara, we did it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] this is lara. her morning begins with arthritis pain. that's a coffee and two pills. the afternoon tour begins with more pain and more pills. the evening guests arrive. back to sore knees. back to more pills. the day is done but hang on... her doctor recommended aleve. just 2 pills can keep arthritis pain away all day with fewer pills than tylenol. this is lara who chose 2 aleve and fewer pills for a day free of pain. and get the all day pain relief of aleve in liquid gels. you probably feel that only a doctor can give you certainty about your pregnancy. clearblue digital is as accurate as a doctor's test because it uses the same technology, for an unmistakably clear result, giving you confidence when you need it most. clearblue digital. - now the planet is depending for on us to keep it clean.air. find out how you can get involved with your community and give the earth a little tlc. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy:
piers morgan joins us next! kara, we did it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] this is lara. her morning begins with arthritis pain. that's a coffee and two pills. the afternoon tour begins with more pain and more pills. the evening guests arrive. back to sore knees. back to more pills. the day is done but hang on... her doctor recommended aleve. just 2 pills can keep arthritis pain away all day with fewer pills than tylenol. this is lara who chose 2 aleve and fewer pills for a day...
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Mar 31, 2011
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you don't use it for evil. >> russell: use it for malice. >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> you should use it for good. >> jimmy: you're @rustyrocket. >> russell: @rustyrocket. i -- i also only use it for good. >> is that you? @rustyrocket. >> russell: i meant, more recently i left one of your dresses in a cab. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, if you got it back, you got off the hook. >> it was a long, purple gown. yes. >> russell: what were you doing? swirling about all in the nuts? >> yeah. >> russell: dressed in your undies. [ laughter ] how can you get out of the cab, naked and not know that you've not got your clothes on? >> jimmy: thanks -- thanks to twitter -- >> russell. russell, i love how you talk. i love everything that you say. >> russell: what you just done then was a hate crime. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was the greatest exclamation of this -- of a british person. >> russell: some people in england will take offense. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> russell: queen, elton john. we're sick of it. >> jimmy: oh, my god. but you -- you get these fun things. you always do. because
you don't use it for evil. >> russell: use it for malice. >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> you should use it for good. >> jimmy: you're @rustyrocket. >> russell: @rustyrocket. i -- i also only use it for good. >> is that you? @rustyrocket. >> russell: i meant, more recently i left one of your dresses in a cab. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, if you got it back, you got off the hook. >> it was a long, purple gown. yes. >> russell: what were you...